“Sorry, the Microphone on My Laptop Isn’t Very Good” Says Flautist on Zoom Who Literally Always Sounds Like This
Following a remote live audition earlier this week for University of Manitoba student chamber ensembles, flautist Mariah Morrison reportedly apologized to the panel immediately for the poor-quality performance her laptop captured, which they heard via the video-conferencing platform Zoom – despite the fact that this is what her playing always sounds like in person.
“Yeah, my laptop’s like, a year old, so the microphone is of course total crap,” Morrison told Stay Tuned in a seamless Zoom interview while using the same device. “Barely functional, really. Like, can you even decipher the words I’m saying right now?”
But Morrison’s fellow woodwind majors at the U of M say the sound recorded by her 2019 MacBook Pro was a perfectly accurate representation of her real-life playing.
“This isn’t a one-time, unique quarantine recording situation thing. Mariah’s playing is consistently mediocre, whether you hear it on stage or through your speakers,” said flautist Camila Cortez, Morrison’s wind ensemble stand partner of 3 years. “She can try to blame it on her computer, but it’s not that her mic’s failing to pick up the full glory of her sound or something. I’m sorry, but that mic is picking up exactly what she’s delivering. And I say this with love: that bish needs to practice.”
Morrison remains adamant that her interpretation of the first movement of the Franck sonata would have been an entirely different experience for her audition panel had she been afforded the opportunity to perform it in person.
“If I could have joined the profs in an actual audition room, they would have been blown away,” she insisted. “It’s not my fault that we’re in a global pandemic.”
When asked why her pianist, Ingrid Again, sounded great despite also being recorded via the laptop, Morrison suddenly lost her Zoom connection.