Oh No! This Cello Couldn’t Order Wine on the Plane Because He’s Not 19 Yet
On a recent flight out of Toronto Pearson Airport, a hand-crafted maple cello was sorely disappointed to find himself unable to order alcohol en route to Vancouver.
“I realize that I was produced and assembled 17 years ago, I get that,” acknowledged the Andreas Eastman VC 305 cello, who goes by Dre. “But my owner had to pay for me to have my own seat next to him on the plane, and legally I’m much older in cello years!”
Dre noted that although he was dismayed, he wasn’t entirely surprised.
“I’d read that Globe and Mail article last year about the survey ranking Pearson among the five worst largest airports in North America for overall customer satisfaction,” the disgruntled instrument explained, “and that checks out. The flight attendant made me feel like I was wearing my mute. Why aren’t they trying to be more in tune with customer needs? Clearly, some people in charge need to be taken down a peg.”
The cello’s owner, Yo Ma-Ma, was equally outraged.
“Dre and I have been working really hard. We’ve been practicing for orchestral auditions, and so far it’s going well – we were flying out for a VSO callback. We both wanted to kick back with some vino, but I knew it would be a jerk move for me to drink a glass of wine right beside him while he couldn’t. Which is why I felt guilty with almost every sip.”
This was a particularly chaotic flying experience for Yo Ma-Ma, who discovered that “Wanna pluck? I know my way around a G string,” is not an effective pick-up line.